Ahh, I am such a kid, but I Heart Poop Jokes! Work Poop Survival Guide

This is an oldie but goodie, I love this joke about work poop. Work poop jokes are good for so many of us with Crohn's Disease. Humor helps! Have a great memorial day weekend all. I have to go Crop Dust! (see below).

Work Poop Etiquette We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, the following is a Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk In and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave And come back again. Be careful not the become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going to the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal Or forcing a poop in a stall. This usually is accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release and ESCAPEE, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an ESCAPEE. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, DO NOT PANIC. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: This is the act of flushing the toilet the instant the Poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: This happens when you walk form the stall, to the sink, and to the door after you just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

SAFE HAVENS: This is a seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when talking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe‑tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear and ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: This is a poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO‑COUGH.

CAMO‑COUGH: This is a phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in the stall. This can be used to cover up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. This can be very Effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

HAVANA OMELET: This happens with a case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. This is often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO‑COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: This is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. This individual spends extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper. You should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This will benefit you as well as the others in the building.

Crohn's Disease Drugs Stolen - Procrit and Remicade

HORSHAM, Pa., May 15 /PRNewswire/ -- JOM Pharmaceutical Services, Inc. (JOM), a service coordinator that provides delivery services and customer support to Centocor, Inc. and Ortho Biotech, L.P., was notified May 6, 2008, that a transport trailer carrying DOXIL(R) (doxorubicin HCl liposome injection), PROCRIT(R) (epoetin alfa) and REMICADE(R) (infliximab) was stolen while the driver was traveling from a distribution center in Kentucky to a specialty distributor. This incident has been reported to local and federal law enforcement offices, as well as the U.S. Food and Drug Administration; however, the transport trailer and product have not yet been recovered.

To ensure patient safety, Centocor and Ortho Biotech are voluntarily withdrawing products with lot numbers matching those of the stolen product from the market and communicating this action to all authorized distributors and all prescribing physicians, healthcare providers, and patients.

If the stolen product were to be reintroduced into distribution channels, the companies cannot guarantee that products were stored at appropriate temperatures, nor can the companies guarantee the products were not damaged. A voluntary withdrawal of products with lot numbers corresponding to that of the stolen product minimizes the possibility of inadvertent use of stolen product by physicians and, therefore, the overall risk to patients.

On May 7, 2008, JOM discontinued shipment of products with lot numbers matching those of the stolen product. Healthcare providers and patients that did receive product shipped from an authorized distributor on or before this date should consider the product safe for use. Healthcare providers and patients that are concerned about products shipped after this date with the following NDC and lot numbers can return the product by contacting the companies at (888) 626-5660:NDC Description Lot Number Expiration
Date
59676-3100-1 Cartons containing six (6)D091534 07/2010
single dose vials of
PROCRIT(R) (epoetin alfa)
10,000 U/mL
59676-3200-4 Cartons containing four (4) P113612 09/2010
multidose vials of
PROCRIT(R) (epoetin alfa)
20,000 U/mL
59676-3400-1 Cartons containing four (4) P106803 06/2010
single dose vials of
PROCRIT(R) (epoetin alfa)
40,000 U/mL
17314-9600-1 Cartons containing 1 0717124 03/2009
DOXIL(R) (doxorubicin HCl
liposome injection) 20mg in
10mL (2 mg/mL) single use vial.
17314-9600-2 DOXIL(R) (doxorubicin HCl 0715423 02/2009
liposome injection) 50mg in
25mL (2mg/mL) single use vial
57894-0300-1 Cartons containing one (1)8AM26021P1 01/2011
vial of REMICADE(R)
(infliximab) 100mg
57894-0300-1 Cartons containing one (1)8BK35014P1 02/2011
vial of REMICADE(R)
(infliximab) 100mg

No other lot numbers of product are impacted by this incident. All three of these products have tamper-evident features that can be used to authenticate the package. Healthcare professionals and patients who have concerns about any product they possess may contact the number below for assistance with the identification of these features.

The amount of stolen and withdrawn product represents a very small proportion of the total product within the distribution channel; therefore the companies do not anticipate a disruption in product availability for patients.

JOM, Centocor, and Ortho Biotech will continue to work closely with healthcare providers and authorized distribution partners to identify and isolate product with lot numbers corresponding to those of the stolen product, and ask that anyone report any questionable activities to the appropriate authorities. Healthcare professionals, distributors or patients are asked to direct questions related to this voluntary withdrawal to the companies by calling (888) 626-5660.
Please see Important Safety Information for REMICADE(R) (infliximab), PROCRIT(R) (epoetin alfa), and DOXIL(R) (doxorubicin HCl liposome injection) at their respective websites.
About JOM Pharmaceutical Services, Inc.

JOM Pharmaceutical Services, Inc. is a service provider that is dedicated to providing safe and on-time delivery of pharmaceutical products for Ortho Biotech, L.P., Centocor, Inc., and other U.S. pharmaceutical companies.

About Ortho Biotech, L.P.
Ortho Biotech Products, L.P. is a leading biopharmaceutical company devoted to helping improve the lives of patients with cancer and with anemia due to multiple causes, including chronic kidney disease. Since it was founded in 1990, Ortho Biotech and its worldwide affiliates have earned a global reputation for researching, manufacturing and marketing innovative products that enhance patients' health. Located in Bridgewater, N.J., Ortho Biotech is an established market leader in Epoetin alfa therapy for anemia management. The company also markets treatments for recurrent ovarian cancer, rejection of transplanted organs and other serious illnesses. For more information, visit www.orthobiotech.com.

About Centocor, Inc.
Centocor is harnessing the power of world-leading research and biomanufacturing to deliver innovative biomedicines that transform patients' lives. Centocor has already brought innovation to the treatment of Crohn's disease, rheumatoid arthritis, ankylosing spondylitis, psoriatic arthritis, ulcerative colitis, pediatric Crohn's disease and psoriasis. The world leader in monoclonal antibody production and technology, Centocor has brought critical biologic therapies to patients suffering from debilitating immune disorders.

Crohn's Disease Patients Should Limit Their Exposure to Radiation!

Specialist centres must take steps to reduce the amount of radiation people with Crohn's disease are exposed to from diagnostic imaging, radiologists have urged [1]. Patients with Crohn's disease may be particularly vulnerable to radiation owing to their young age at presentation and an elevated risk of some intestinal malignancies such as small bowel lymphoma.

Researchers estimated the cumulative effective dose (CED) of diagnostic radiation of 354 patients with Crohn’s disease treated at a tertiary centre.They found that 55 patients, 15.5 per cent, had a 'high' CED – defined as greater than 75mSv.Less than six imaging studies were performed per patient over the first five years of the 15-year study. During this period the mean CED was 7.9mSv, with CT accounting for 46.3 per cent of radiation exposure.During the last five years, these figures had increased to almost seven images per patient and a mean CED of 25.1mSv. CT accounted for 84.7 per cent of radiation exposure at this time.

The likelihood of having a high CED was increased by an earlier diagnosis, upper gastrointestinal tract disease, the use intravenous steroids or infliximab, and multiple surgical procedures.The authors said: "Strategies to reduce the effective dose of radiation incurred by patients undergoing CT imaging can be employed without sacrificing image quality and should be considered for all patients, particularly those who are likely to require multiple examinations."