Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Signs that You are a Chronie! (Ahh, Love Crohn's Disease Jokes)

So one of my loyal blog readers (future trophy wife) posted this on Myspace and I had to share. Oddly enough I can relate to some of these but I feel your pain on the others! Keep smiling Chronies!
  • You have a whole shelf in your pantry dedicated to your meds
  • You can tell what part of your GI tract is off kilter today by the sounds..
  • when you tell the phlebotomist, "trust me, thats not a good vein. no, you don't want to poke there either..."your grandparents ask you what they can expect when they go in for their first colonoscopy
  • you can clench your buttcheeks so hard you are sure if you put coal in there you could make a diamond
  • Your not a med student but your bookcase is 75% medical texts.
  • Every skin rash triggers an emotional crisis!
  • If You have larger clothes for bloated days..
  • Your family comes to you for medical advice.
  • You desperately wish Ensure came in more than 3 or 4 flavors..
  • you stock up on clear liquids for flares or tests
  • You look like you're 6 months pregnant by bedtime.
  • When your cats feel sorry for you and cuddle up close to comfort you.
  • You would never say I have a "stomach ache," but are more likely to say "my right lower quadrant is hurting," or "my inflamed ileum is giving me trouble!"
  • You know the ER staff and all your doc's offices people by first name without having to look
  • you are the only person you know that actually wants to eat salad but can'tyou have ever heard" i had the flu last week so I know what you are going through"Scrubbing Bubbles go on strike.The Tidy Bowl man leaves a "Dear John" letter.
  • you see your undigested lunch bits in the toilet less than an hour after you ate it.
  • you have a heating pad next to your bed for those painful nights.your husband looks at your *** and doesn't get turned on.
  • You've fantasized about having a time machine for the express purpose of hunting down whoever developed Prednisone.
  • you can run, unzip, unbutton, untie, and unbuckle all at the same time
  • Mike Rowe refused to clean your toilet for the "Dirty Jobs" showyou feel faint when someones says," Oh Crap"….
  • you take handfuls of pills at a time,you can swallow 15 pills in one swig of wateryou pay Doctor bills on a monthly basis
  • you know the location of every bathroom in you local target, walmart, supermarket, etc
  • You've ever "accidentally" let out a silent-but-deadly just to hurry the meeting along or for revenge on the guy who always says "just one more thing" when everyone else is ready to go.
  • Your family and friends have fitted body armor and battle plans for those times they have to go Prednisone DEFCON 1 again.


Katie Clark said...

This is HYSTERICAL. Thanks for posting!

+Katie //

Matt said...

Just discovered your blog. Nice list there, and good luck with the stem cell stuff. I've had Crohn's since I was 12 (I'm 27 now). I've experimented with a lot of alternative meds over the years, but have had really good luck with cabbage juice recently.

Matt -

Crohn's Disease Blog